Traveling in a group is NOT easy for me as a tour guide, and sometimes for my clients for various reasons which includes not being aware of French travel etiquette. Most people who sign up for my small group, slow travel tours genuinely enjoy spending time with new people, but sometimes there are those who simply don’t for myriad reasons. These clients can become problematic very fast, as I was reminded on one of my recent tours.

I never chose to go on a tour with Rick Steves, “America’s most respected authority on European travel.” While I appreciate his promotions of trips that are fun, affordable, and culturally broadening, I was not expecting to have his descriptions of villages read aloud to me and the rest of the group by a client. Her voice-over continued until I suggested she was being rude.

Some people just don’t know when to stop talking. They talk too much when they’re nervous, masking social anxieties. They talk over my guiding and almost always find a way to steer every conversation back to themselves. The opposite is a client who rarely communicates. I’ve had clients like these who share the talker’s social anxieties, sometimes on the same tour.

Group trips work best when everyone is conscious of the itinerary and scheduling that their guide has created, and shows up promptly when it’s time to go. When someone consistently causes the group to be late, it can drive everyone crazy. Granted, some people have an inherent difficulty being on time, but others run late because they feel they can. On one tour a client consistently arrived one hour late to a planned meeting spot. After this time-traveling client missed her fourth rendezvous, I took her aside and explained how she need to help create a convivial atmosphere rather than hinder it.

From time to time, I’ll have a client who is simply a malcontent. They find something to complain about at every step of the way. I try my best to be sensitive and responsive to legitimate concerns as they come up, but sometimes nothing I say or do will change their attitude. This then becomes uncomfortable for me and everyone else for the duration of the tour. In response to these points of issue I have put together a list of suggested traveler’s etiquette in France.

There is an intricate web of essential customs ingrained in French children from a young age. I’ve discovered that living in France requires savoir faire, know-how, in dealing with others, an oftentimes delicate and considerate perception of what are appropriate manners and French travel etiquette. There is a common belief amongst Americans and others that the French are rude and unfriendly, but this comes from travelers not knowing the social graces when visiting their country. These travelers haven’t had the day-to-day lessons in tact that I’ve learned. Here are some basic faux pas, false-steps, that can be avoided with just a little forethought.

A few tips for French travel etiquette

Any conversation should always begin with a simple hello, bonjour, and end with goodbye, au revoir. This might seem intuitive, but it’s key to interacting with locals. It shows respect. Being greeted by a complete stranger can be quite disconcerting, but it’s French politesse, politeness. If you don’t speak French, your next words should be ‘Parlez-vous anglais?’ ‘Do you speak English?’. Saying a few words in French are welcome because it demonstrates your interest in the country and the culture. Even if you do make mistakes, which is perfectly normal for non-native people, the French truly appreciate that you have made an effort to speak their language. Adding please, s’il vous plaît, thank you, merci, and you’re welcome, de rien or je vous en prie, will go a long way toward crossing the cultural divide.

Shaking hands is customary when you are introduced to someone. “Les bises”, kisses on one or both cheeks are only given when meeting people the French know. It would be considered a definite faux pas to try ‘la bise’ with people you have just met.

When eating out, do not expect your food to be cooked and served under 30 minutes. Taking your time is an important part of French culture, and the French will tell you that anything worth doing should be done well and thoughtfully. In a restaurant, the servers will give you plenty of time to look over the menu. Be sure to close it when you’re ready to order, or they will not come to your table. Americans expect their food to be served quickly. As I had one client do recently, DO NOT go into the kitchen and tell the chef to hurry up. If you want to eat as the locals do in France and experience the food culture, slow down.

Part of French travel etiquette is keeping your voice down. Speaking loudly in restaurants, on trains, in other public spaces and especially while on your phone is seen as rude. The French like their privacy and will respect yours.

Although tipping in restaurants is prevalent in the United States and is expected in other places, it is not in France. In America wages tend to be lower, and servers make their money through tips, so the customer service level is generally higher. In France it’s the opposite. Wages are higher for servers and they receive social benefits such as health care. Tips are not mandatory so the level of customer service can be a bit lower. However, if you have an exceptional wait-person a tip will be much appreciated.

Being a tour guide requires a complex set of skills which should be recognized as such. Tour guides spend a lot of time preparing their tours; researching and creating itineraries, arranging accommodations and meals, choosing routes and transportation. They are frequently crisis managers, mediators and therapists since people who sign up for tours come in all shapes, sizes and mental attitudes. Leaving your guide a thank you note, review or tip signals your regard for and appreciation of their abilities. A tour guide can turn a trip into an unforgettable adventure, offering insights, stories, and a deeper connection to each other and the places they visit.

*Note: Since I’ve been doing tours for the past 11 years I’ve had less than a handful clients who have been difficult. If you recognize yourself in one of these photos, please don’t presume I’m referring to you.

Sue Aran lives in the Gers department of southwest France. She is the owner of French Country Adventures, which provides private, personally-guided, small-group, slow travel tours into Gascony, the Pays Basque, Provence and beyond. She writes a monthly blog about her life in France and is a contributor to Bonjour Paris and France Today magazines. Slow Travel Tours is an affiliation of small-group tour operators who offer personalized trips in Italy, France, England and other European countries.